So, why did you just buy that hat? Ok, so maybe you caught the bandwagon.
So, we say that facetiously.
No, we here at TortureCast don’t hate pandas, as they’re endangered. And no, we don’t hate Pablo Sandoval.
But, we are puzzled by his decision. I think, like most Giants fans, and even the media, we thought, if the Giants offered close to top dollar, which by all accounts they were within a couple million total from Boston’s offer, he would easily sign with the Giants. And why wouldn’t you? Guaranteed money. Adored by the fans. Go into a slump for 2 months? No problem! We just throw on our Panda hats; we got your back! Oh, and there’s the three rings, too.
Boston is NOT San Francisco. If, and I mean, IF, Panda under-performs in Beantown, no one will be smiling and cheering for him while a dead panda is strapped to their head.
However, that last point sounds nice as a fan, but as a job seeker, have you ever thought to yourself, “Jeez, I don’t know if I should take this job because those people may not like me if I suck?” Of course NOT! Professional athletes have egos of the combined mass of all egos of internet trolls within a 6-node circumference. Rest assured, Pablo has all of the confidence in the world that he will perform well in Boston, so the fan-ramifications of his potential disappointment is not a consideration. Otherwise, Pablo would probably have a different career at this point.
So, why did Pablo leave his heart in San Francisco?
We don’t know, really. We can only surmise. The foremost thoughts are that he can eventually DH in the American League. At 39 years old, David Ortiz is looking for an heir apparent, and apparently, he courted Pablo during his recent visit to Boston. Seems like a good plan, right?
Let me ask you this: if you were offered $100k per year to work 8 hours a day and ALWAYS be physically active at your job, you’d take it, right? Of course, that’s good money! Well, what if another company called and said that you could earn $100k a year for the first 2 or 3 years, working hard at both ends, but in a while, you could move up to the cushy executive pad and only put in roughly, a 5 hour day for the same money? Yeah, I’d take that, too!
Granted, Pablo takes pride in his defense, and he proved it by making the final 3 for the Gold Glove award this year. However, he’s young and looking toward the future, and his future entails 4-5 at bats and nothing more.
Disrespect. Ok, so, I’m not agreeing with this one, but there are reports that the Giants disrespected Pablo by not extending his contract to the likes of Pence, Posey, Bumgarner and Cain. There is some validity to that, but there is validity to the Giants not wanting to throw $100 million towards the more athletic version of John Candy. Those others have had no question about their training habits and physique. Pablo, no matter how physically gifted, tends to throw down a few more Big Macs than his teammates, something most of us can relate to. (I’m looking at you!).
Ultimately, it was Pablo’s decision, and I don’t blame the Giants for not offering $20 million above market, as that would be shooting their own foot and slicing the tendons off with a blade fashioned from the said leg they just shot off, which makes no sense, by the way, unless you’ve just been bitten by a walker and need to cure yourself and fashion a weapon immediately.
Now the Giants have about $100 million ($20 million per year for 5 years) that they can commit to one or more players. Clearly third base is a hole, and NO, BUSTER POSEY WILL NOT PLAY THIRD! So, aside from Joaquin Arias, the logical choice would be Cuban free agent Yasmany Tomas, or Chase Headley. These options make me sad, so…
I’ll turn your attention to starting pitching. The Giants NEED starters, and who better to take up Pablo’s would-be contract than Jon Lester?!
Or, perhaps, a new kale garden to keep the sell-out streak going.
So, this is like, the last time Pablo touched a ball for the SF Giants: