Burn Your Panda Hat, Unless You Just Bought It

“Thank you, San Francisco. I can’t sell more than the three rings, as seller Bl0

So, why did you just buy that hat? Ok, so maybe you caught the bandwagon.

So, we say that facetiously.

No, we here at TortureCast don’t hate pandas, as they’re endangered. And no, we don’t hate Pablo Sandoval.

But, we are puzzled by his decision. I think, like most Giants fans, and even the media, we thought, if the Giants offered close to top dollar, which by all accounts they were within a couple million total from Boston’s offer, he would easily sign with the Giants. And why wouldn’t you? Guaranteed money. Adored by the fans. Go into a slump for 2 months? No problem! We just throw on our Panda hats; we got your back! Oh, and there’s the three rings, too.

Boston is NOT San Francisco. If, and I mean, IF, Panda under-performs in Beantown, no one will be smiling and cheering for him while a dead panda is strapped to their head.

However, that last point sounds nice as a fan, but as a job seeker, have you ever thought to yourself, “Jeez, I don’t know if I should take this job because those people may not like me if I suck?” Of course NOT! Professional athletes have egos of the combined mass of all egos of internet trolls within a 6-node circumference. Rest assured, Pablo has all of the confidence in the world that he will perform well in Boston, so the fan-ramifications of his potential disappointment is not a consideration. Otherwise, Pablo would probably have a different career at this point.

So, why did Pablo leave his heart in San Francisco?

We don’t know, really. We can only surmise. The foremost thoughts are that he can eventually DH in the American League. At 39 years old, David Ortiz is looking for an heir apparent, and apparently, he courted Pablo during his recent visit to Boston. Seems like a good plan, right?

Let me ask you this: if you were offered $100k per year to work 8 hours a day and ALWAYS be physically active at your job, you’d take it, right? Of course, that’s good money! Well, what if another company called and said that you could earn $100k a year for the first 2 or 3 years, working hard at both ends, but in a while, you could move up to the cushy executive pad and only put in roughly, a 5 hour day for the same money? Yeah, I’d take that, too!

Granted, Pablo takes pride in his defense, and he proved it by making the final 3 for the Gold Glove award this year. However, he’s young and looking toward the future, and his future entails 4-5 at bats and nothing more.

Disrespect. Ok, so, I’m not agreeing with this one, but there are reports that the Giants disrespected Pablo by not extending his contract to the likes of Pence, Posey, Bumgarner and Cain. There is some validity to that, but there is validity to the Giants not wanting to throw $100 million towards the more athletic version of John Candy. Those others have had no question about their training habits and physique. Pablo, no matter how physically gifted, tends to throw down a few more Big Macs than his teammates, something most of us can relate to. (I’m looking at you!).

Ultimately, it was Pablo’s decision, and I don’t blame the Giants for not offering $20 million above market, as that would be shooting their own foot and slicing the tendons off with a blade fashioned from the said leg they just shot off, which makes no sense, by the way, unless you’ve just been bitten by a walker and need to cure yourself and fashion a weapon immediately.

Now the Giants have about $100 million ($20 million per year for 5 years) that they can commit to one or more players. Clearly third base is a hole, and NO, BUSTER POSEY WILL NOT PLAY THIRD! So, aside from Joaquin Arias, the logical choice would be Cuban free agent Yasmany Tomas, or Chase Headley. These options make me sad, so…

I’ll turn your attention to starting pitching. The Giants NEED starters, and who better to take up Pablo’s would-be contract than Jon Lester?!

Or, perhaps, a new kale garden to keep the sell-out streak going.

So, this is like, the last time Pablo touched a ball for the SF Giants:

Yep. Last MLB player to touch a ball in official play until April.

Chad

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “Burn Your Panda Hat, Unless You Just Bought It

  1. He was a solid third-sacker but not worth THAT kind of money. Giants fans should be celebrating, you would have regretted that contract.

  2. Jim

    Well put guys…I’m bummed. Like if a girl I was dating wanted to date someone else when I thought everything was going fine. And no, I would not want her to be happy. I’d like her to be bummed that she’s not with me. I’ve said this a million times too…the only ring Panda can ring that I’d be okay with, is if it came against the Dodgers. Otherwise, I hope he’s ringless for the rest of his career. Championships belong in SF! For the record, I’m a married professional with two children…I shouldn’t make a big deal about this, but hey, first world problems. And, we’re not Cubs fans…that would suck.
    Looking forward to the next podcast…we’re still World Champs!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s